Recently, I got involved in a very interesting casual discussion with foreign friends (of mixed origins and beliefs), currently living in Kyoto. It was a kind of an inter-cultural exchange, where circle of friends meet, express their thoughts, share stories, debates, argue and lastly, conclude a fruitful positive remarks. For the past two years, I used to mingle with Malaysians, where most of the time we will chat about the latest gadgets, cars (Malaysians do love cars), a bit of politics and economy and planning for our next get-together (kenduri, party etc. ). *Sorry, but I am not into football. But as time goes by, workloads mount up and a synchronized time for a chit-chat among us seems unavailable. So, I chose to jump on my own ship, and took my own sweet time knowing new people, learning new culture and mixing around with different crowds, leading me to know these bright and wonderful people.
We have discussed a lot of things together but what I wish to highlight in this post is the need for us to see the bigger picture (with respect to the title) regardless of our background of cultures, origins and religious beliefs.
One of them, a Japanese (a company exec and a seasoned traveller) just visited India. A country as per according to him, represents a large bowl of mixed curry where the smell of it is monotonous but every sips of it, gives you a different taste, rich with spices and strong flavours, depending to which part of the gravy you dipped your spoon in. I personally wonders about the reality as I have never been there by myself but as his story went along, the only thing that really caught my attention was when he said that he would never let his daughter or female friends to be married to a Muslim, due to a real experience he got in India.
This friend of mine with another Indian friend he knew through business trip went to a store selling Mughal Silk, owned by a flamboyant Muslim in Delhi. The owner treated him kindly with an extensive respect (which maybe due to the strong value of Yen he possessed), spoke soft English and even served him 'Chai' while waiting for his long list of orders. Somewhere in between of the trade, a woman claimed to be the owner's wife came with a tray of foods, crying to beg him taste her food and come back home with her tonight, as she claimed that it has been a week since he did not came home (the translation of Hindi was from his Indian friend). The wife even layed herself on the floor in her sari, begging and crying for her husband's mercy but the husband choked her wife, angrily asking her to leave him alone. The flamboyant owner turned hostile in a mere seconds. When he got in, my Japanese friend bravely asked him,"Why do you treat a woman like that Sir?". The owner answered something like this, "I tell you my friend, wife is like a dog, when it did not get what it want, it will bite you. But as soon as you ditch her away, she will come back to you , begging and everything...so I tell you my friend, be careful okay...be careful" (In a deep Indian accent). My Japanese friend lose his spirit for shopping that day, wondering how cruel a marriage could be and to the worst, he generalized it as a marriage with a Muslim.
I am amazed to find his quick conclusion towards this case, which in my opinion, a rare occasion that could happen to any couples regardless of their beliefs. It is true that the owner happens to be a Muslim but in my counter-explanation, I try to explain to him in a delicate manner about Islamic interpretation of marriage (not that I know a lot, but at least some basic foundation) and the importance for him not to see from a rigid angle which led him to a false perception when he easily generalized things.
I did explained to him that in Islam, marriage is a mutual understanding between a man and a woman to share their soul and life, sealed by an oath (akkad) in the name of God (Allah) with qualified witnesses chosen among family members or friends. It is to provide tranquility, emotional, psychological and sexual gratification towards cohesion and solidarity of the society (ummah). The problem with the case he had encountered in India was despite of the equal status given by Islam to husbands and wives, like other cultures, the societal and cultural trends rather than the religion itself governs the role and the position of spouses. In India, most of the Indians do believe that the marriage bond ties them for seven lifetimes. So, when your husband did not come home for a week without any reason, how could you possibly survive another lifetime?
Dear readers, what i would like to emphasized here is that many things do happen in this world and from it, you should learn worthy lessons and the most important, correct lessons. Do not generalize things easily based on a shallow judgement. Be wise to see things from a wider angle and truthfully, I did not stand and explain just because I am a Muslim, but mostly because I do believe that no religion in this world do promote hatred and monstrosity among its believers. I do not believe in either celibacy or monasticism too, so marriage is somehow a sacred thing to me. To married readers, enjoy your marriage and to those who believe in marriage but still did not venture into it yet like me, let's pursuit our destiny. Not too forget to those who failed in their marriage life, I believed that there must be at least, something wonderful you have found in it; either in the form of sweet memories or brilliant children, born as the result of your true love.
One of them, a Japanese (a company exec and a seasoned traveller) just visited India. A country as per according to him, represents a large bowl of mixed curry where the smell of it is monotonous but every sips of it, gives you a different taste, rich with spices and strong flavours, depending to which part of the gravy you dipped your spoon in. I personally wonders about the reality as I have never been there by myself but as his story went along, the only thing that really caught my attention was when he said that he would never let his daughter or female friends to be married to a Muslim, due to a real experience he got in India.
This friend of mine with another Indian friend he knew through business trip went to a store selling Mughal Silk, owned by a flamboyant Muslim in Delhi. The owner treated him kindly with an extensive respect (which maybe due to the strong value of Yen he possessed), spoke soft English and even served him 'Chai' while waiting for his long list of orders. Somewhere in between of the trade, a woman claimed to be the owner's wife came with a tray of foods, crying to beg him taste her food and come back home with her tonight, as she claimed that it has been a week since he did not came home (the translation of Hindi was from his Indian friend). The wife even layed herself on the floor in her sari, begging and crying for her husband's mercy but the husband choked her wife, angrily asking her to leave him alone. The flamboyant owner turned hostile in a mere seconds. When he got in, my Japanese friend bravely asked him,"Why do you treat a woman like that Sir?". The owner answered something like this, "I tell you my friend, wife is like a dog, when it did not get what it want, it will bite you. But as soon as you ditch her away, she will come back to you , begging and everything...so I tell you my friend, be careful okay...be careful" (In a deep Indian accent). My Japanese friend lose his spirit for shopping that day, wondering how cruel a marriage could be and to the worst, he generalized it as a marriage with a Muslim.
I am amazed to find his quick conclusion towards this case, which in my opinion, a rare occasion that could happen to any couples regardless of their beliefs. It is true that the owner happens to be a Muslim but in my counter-explanation, I try to explain to him in a delicate manner about Islamic interpretation of marriage (not that I know a lot, but at least some basic foundation) and the importance for him not to see from a rigid angle which led him to a false perception when he easily generalized things.
I did explained to him that in Islam, marriage is a mutual understanding between a man and a woman to share their soul and life, sealed by an oath (akkad) in the name of God (Allah) with qualified witnesses chosen among family members or friends. It is to provide tranquility, emotional, psychological and sexual gratification towards cohesion and solidarity of the society (ummah). The problem with the case he had encountered in India was despite of the equal status given by Islam to husbands and wives, like other cultures, the societal and cultural trends rather than the religion itself governs the role and the position of spouses. In India, most of the Indians do believe that the marriage bond ties them for seven lifetimes. So, when your husband did not come home for a week without any reason, how could you possibly survive another lifetime?
Dear readers, what i would like to emphasized here is that many things do happen in this world and from it, you should learn worthy lessons and the most important, correct lessons. Do not generalize things easily based on a shallow judgement. Be wise to see things from a wider angle and truthfully, I did not stand and explain just because I am a Muslim, but mostly because I do believe that no religion in this world do promote hatred and monstrosity among its believers. I do not believe in either celibacy or monasticism too, so marriage is somehow a sacred thing to me. To married readers, enjoy your marriage and to those who believe in marriage but still did not venture into it yet like me, let's pursuit our destiny. Not too forget to those who failed in their marriage life, I believed that there must be at least, something wonderful you have found in it; either in the form of sweet memories or brilliant children, born as the result of your true love.
